Supporting Couples on a Path of Transformation
We welcome and celebrate individuals from diverse life experiences and relational configurations including monogamy, consensual non-mongamy + polyamory, LGBTQIA+, and multi-racial couples
“A good relationship doesn’t mean harmony and peace, but requires awareness, flexibility, and an appreciation of the dreaming process.” - Arnold Mindell
One of the greatest illusions about romantic partnerships in our modern times is this: that our feelings of love for our beloved(s), coupled with the duration of time spent together exclusively, should automatically equate to a lasting connection filled with mutual happiness and fulfilment.
However, in reality, partnerships are in fact a multi-dimensional, complex, mysterious, and ecstatic confluence of worlds (..constantly trying to evolve), that require conscious, consistent, and meaningful participation from all partners in order for the relationship to truly become a vessel for embodied healing, psychospiritual maturation, and a togetherness that is mutually fulfilling.
The trouble with our misguided notions of what a “successful” relationship should look like on the outside, is that we lose touch with the greater intelligence that is hidden inside of ourselves, our partner(s), and what our teacher Francis Weller refers to as the “third body” (or spirit) of our relationship.
From our perspective, the aim of engaging in couples and relationship work is to support you (as a couple) to cultivate the awareness of, and skilfully dance with, the currents of evolution that are showing up within you, your beloved(s), and the wisdom of your partnership's process.
Where We Can Support Your Partnership
“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
- Marcel Proust
Growing Awareness as a Couple
In partnership, we can experience bouts of feeling stuck, bored, stifled, unappreciated, disconnected, and a vast spectrum of other feelings, emotions, and sensations, without knowing why that is so. Issues often come up in partnership (around the themes of intimacy, sex, desire, connection, attention, communication, expectations, boundaries, etc) when we are lacking awareness and when there are parts of ourselves that are hidden and unknown, and thus need tending.
For example, you may feel a lingering frustration and tension around your partner, but you can’t pinpoint what it is exactly. Due to feeling ambivalent and uncertain about why you feel what you feel, you might push it down and put on a “everything is fine mask”; you might snap at and bicker with your partner feeling guilt and resentment afterwards; or, you might notice that the strange mood of frustration is being internalized or projected outwardly. This then affects your mood in other relationships, perhaps including your creative and working life. You’re not sure how to move forward: it feels scary to bring it up, and daunting to challenge both yourself and your partner with conflict (aka meaningful change!).
We can support you to access the deeper experience that you are authentically having and to develop awareness of what is going on within in you and your beloved (including your relational field), and how this may be impacting your partnership. Awareness is the crucial piece in taking steps towards more authentic and free relating.
Intimacy is something many of us long for, but are often afraid of. Whether the intimacy you are seeking is emotional connection, physical touch, sexual passion, loving presence, or spiritual resonance with your partner, it deserves to be known and respected. Sometimes, as human beings we carry strong-held beliefs that, in fact, stem from the conditioning of culture and society of how things are 'supposed to be.' We can get twisted up in what we inherited from our families or ancestry, and we can feel like intimacy is not worth giving attention to. Other times, we may sense how vital intimacy is for us, yet how much it is missing in our intimate relationship(s). Whereas for others, intimacy is something to intentionally cultivate together - like tending to a garden of wildflowers and plants. In this sense, the seeds of intimacy in your process of relational development are asking to be nurtured.
We can support you to identify what matters to you when it comes to intimacy, and what is needed for this area to thrive and become genuine felt experience in your partnership(s).
Working Through Conflict
Conflict is inevitable (and often times necessary for growth) in partnership, but it can be emotionally and psychically exhausting to move through. It is natural and normal to require support with the stuck, tense or tender areas in your relationship. Maybe you find yourself repeating the same patterns over and over again when conflict arises, or maybe you notice that the same conflicts keep repeating, and you want to move beyond this cycle. No matter the structure of your relationship, you might be experiencing conflict around themes of jealousy, consent, communication issues, and/or internalized oppression from the culture in which you live.
We can offer guidance and skills for heart-centred communication and creative collaboration, where the attitudes toward conflict are ones of curiosity, care, and love. The (healthy processing of) conflicts in our relationships have a purpose of revealing to us the places where healing, growth, and development are possible.
Exploring Desires & Taboos Around Sexuality & Eroticism
Sexuality and Eroticism is an area that carries an energy of taboo in our modern culture. It is not surprising then that many couples find themselves struggling in this area. There is no set model, formula, or ideal that we hold for sexual expression, desire, and maturation. For us, it is a living process that asks each individual to connect with themselves and with the dynamism of life. And of course, empowered sexual expression is different for each person and each couple, and continues to change through life as we do. The key is to listen deeply to each partner's authentic desires, each person's somatic experience, and to follow the intelligence of your evolving relational process.
We approach working with sex and eros with the qualities of reverance, open-mindedness, and deep listening. We can compassionately support you to free up more energy around sexuality so that you can feel safe in being more fully yourself - whether that looks like more sex with yourself and/or with your partner, less sex in your relationship, a different kind of sexual relating, or no sex at all.
Engaging in Psychedelic & Plant Medicine Exploration
Engaging in plant-medicine and psychedelic work as a couple can be a fulfilling and illuminating experience and journey, bringing many gifts to the individuals and relationship. At the same time, this work can also be destabilizing and confronting, revealing what needs to be addressed in the relationship so that your relationship truly becomes a mutually supportive partnership. Perhaps you are in a partnership where one person is interested in plant medicine and the other is not and this is causing friction in your relationship.
We can offer guidance from our many years of walking the plant medicine path as a couple, and we will meet you wherever you are on this journey of exploration.
Exploring Trauma and Power Dynamics in relationships
As we each carry into our romantic relationships all of our unresolved personal and ancestral trauma, unconscious attachment patterns, our sinister and golden shadow material, our known and buried desires, our strengths and vulnerabilities, and the soul-gifts that we came into this world with - our partnerships often become the primary place where we consciously and unconsciously attempt to work through some of our deepest and most complex psycho-emotional material. More often than not, childhood wounding, unconscious patterns inherited from our parents (or primary carers) and ancestry, and defense mechanisms due to trauma, play out in our intimate relationships - difficult to work through due to the triggering intensity that often ensues in troubling conflict. Being able to untangle what unresolved material is “mine,” what is “yours,” and what is simply in the relational field that belongs to both/all people involved, becomes challenging when we’re stuck in our own vantage point. However, this is actually fertile ground for transforming trauma-based ways of relating into medicine for your intimate partnership, that ushers in connection, understanding and closeness.
We will provide you with the tools to skilfully maneuovre the challenges and complexities that arise due to past trauma and the harmful effects of unconscious power dynamics.
Navigating Major Transitions & Crises in Relationship
For many people who are experiencing difficulty and psycho-emotional intensity in their partnerships, there comes a crucial point where both partners must decide whether to engage in the deep work of tending the garden beds of their inner-lives and union, or either risk losing the relationship and re-playing the same patterns in their next relationship. Perhaps for one partner there’s been a loss of a loved one, the ending of a job, a sudden depression, a dark night of the soul, or a profound spiritual shift in life that has ended the “way things were” and left everyone in the relationship in a liminal space. Oftentimes, crises and transitions are change wanting to happen in disguise, and this can bring up a lot of pain, tension, and destructive conflict. And at the same time, this liminal space can be a potent container for discovering what it is we really desire in life and in our intimate relationship(s).
We will support and guide you to connect with what truly matters to you and your parnership(s) during the time of major transition or crisis, and help you all get clearer on what has heart and meaning for you so you can make decisions infused with authenticity, maturity, and loving-kindness.
Our Approach To Couple's Work
We utilize a process-oriented approach to relationship work that acknowledges the multi-dimensionality of being in intimate partnership(s). This means that the focus may dynamically shift: from one partner’s process, to the other partner’s process, or the focus may hone in on the spirit of the relationship itself and what is potentially being asked of both/all partners involved. In this sense, we support you both to achieve your relationship goals and guide you to follow the intelligence of what your relationship is asking of you.
“For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people: that each protects the solitude of the other.” - Rainer Maria Rilke
Details of Working Together
As of January 2023, we are both accepting new couples into our practice. Our sessions are held online via Zoom from our tranquil space in the Sacred Valley of Peru.
Please note that if you're interested in working together in couples work, we require a minimum commitment of 4 sessions (with an optional weekly, bi-weekly/fortnightly, 3-weekly, or monthly cadence). Our initial 60 min session will be a consultation session to see if it feels like a good fit, after which we can all make a decision on whether to proceed with working together moving forward. After the 4 sessions, any further sessions can be booked individually, as and when needed.
We offer two options: you can work with both of us (i.e 2:2, both Alyona & Alexandre jointly facilitate sessions), or you can opt to work with only one of us (i.e 1:2, either Alyona or Alexandre facilitating the sessions).
Prices for Sessions (2023): AUD$220 (i.e AUD$110 each) / USD$150 (i.e USD$75 per person)
Prior to completing your appointment booking via Calendly, please thoroughly read through the information in the calendar which includes details about preparation, terms of service & cancellation agreement, fees & payment instructions, etc.